For my (maybe?) last blog post, I felt that it was only fitting to write some notes for the people that have made my MIT experience, especially this last semester, memorable and good. Here are just a few of them.
To my dearest, sweetest Emma. I feel like this will be a reiteration of my Peace Corps rec letter for you, but let this be a public display of my affections.
I am incredibly grateful that I happened to stumble into Maseeh Waffle Night all those years ago in April 2019 during CPW. And that I made the decision to walk up to Bryan despite not having seen him since the fifth grade. And that you took the initiative in the conversation and turned to me and asked “hey are you filipino?” and that interaction alone solidified us as friends for life.
I’ve truly never met anyone like you. It’s something that you can only understand once you’re actually in your presence, words unfortunately can’t do it justice. But being around you really does feel as though I’ve been transported in some manic pixie dream girl world, where the rules and laws of the world are beneath us and we are, in fact, the drivers of the plots of our own novels. Call it lucky girl syndrome, call it optimism, call it what you want; there is just something so magical and whimsical about being with you.
I entered MIT really afraid of what people were going to think of me. I was scared and self-conscious and worried about literally every little thing I did or said. I wanted so desperately to be liked.
But by seeing the way you existed — the way you’d burst into song in public, or break out dancing in the middle of the field, or laugh so, so loudly in the middle of lecture — without a care in the world, with no fear of repercussion or consequence, taught me that I could do the same. Yes, I’ll still panic when you knock something over and instinctively yell “Emma!” at you, or side-eye you when you play a video in a library without any headphones in, but I think I just will never be able to fully let go of my inhibitions in the way that you do.
I think at some point in our friendship, I used to envy you. The way in which you could parade around campus, waving and smiling at everyone. Seeing the way in which you not only thrived on campus, but thrived everywhere you went, how you could so easily build connections with anyone and everyone.
But as I grew, that envy morphed into respect. A profound, deep respect for you and everything that you are. I will never have the confidence to just walk up to someone and befriend them in the way that you do, but that’s okay. That’s why we work, such polar opposites of people that somehow found their way to each other.
Thank you for being my friend all these years. For telling me when I fuck up and teaching me how to grow from my mistakes. For pushing me out of my comfort zone. For teaching me to relax more once in a while, to trust in the world and the luckiness that pervades our space instead of trying to micromanage everything. For giving me the YA book life I’ve always dreamed of having.
There’s nothing else I can really say here aside from what I wrote in your letter.
I have always known Emma would be the person in our friend group to do fantastic things beyond even my understanding. Her aspirations are lofty and high. Someone who may not know Emma may look at her bucket list and scoff, thinking that it would be impossible to achieve such a range of activities even in the long life-span we as humans have. However, anyone who knows her would look at the list and wouldn’t bat an eye. Their kneejerk reaction would be “Of course” because Emma is a doer. She is known to do what she puts her mind to. That’s why I didn’t even react when she told me she would be applying to the Peace Corps. Instead, I had the same simple thought in my head: Of course. This makes perfect sense for Emma because not only is she a doer, she is a doer of *good*. And perhaps that is the most important kind of doer. Emma has always ensured that she uses her talents and intelligence for something that betters the world, that moves it forward. And I firmly believe that she will continue to better the world around her, just through her presence and existence alone….She has an incredible work ethic, having taken so many classes at MIT while balancing it alongside her various extracurriculars like Rocket Team and varsity volleyball. But most importantly of all, she is kind. She is always the first to cheer after a friend’s presentation. The first to call during summer break. The first to go in for a hug after a long period of not seeing someone.
I could not recommend anyone more to this program than Emma.
Emma, my favorite agile and power 5’3″, how lucky I am to know you.
To my dearest Eva,
I’m…so fucking sad to know that we met so late into our MIT career. I have never met anyone so acutely aware of their presence and impact on others, someone who is so in tune with not only their emotions but others’ as well. It’s something about you that I find incredibly admirable and something I’ve learned from you a lot.
I want to thank you for being the epitome of what a good friend is. I feel like you’re always the first to check in, the first to comfort, the first one to run over when something gets fucked. You’re the kind of person where I know I can tell you anything and I won’t receive any harsh judgments upon the first pass, and it’s something that I’ve really relied on and especially appreciated these past couple of months.
I also love the way you try and delve into people’s interests. The amount of times I’ve mansplained something stupid and niche to you like Twitch vocabulary or the Omegaverse or some other fucked terminally online thing, you actually make effort to understand it and get excited about it.
I think this letter is easier to write and feels less sappy because I have such a strong confidence in the fact that this isn’t goodbye, but a see you really soon, because you’re one of the most communicative and reliable people I know. I can say with certainty that we’re going to text. That I’m going to see you in July in SF. That we’re going to lose our fucking minds in the farthest back row of the Taylor Swift concert in August. That I’m going to come back and visit Boston and crash in whatever apartment or complex you’ve found. I just know it so strongly because that’s just the kind of friend and person you are.
But regardless, I’m going to miss our loud, inappropriate conversations in Baker dining or Hayden, spilling all our tea and stories in front of … literally everyone sitting around us. Our spicy Bridgerton nights where we’re just screaming at a TV for 4 hours over people making intense eye contact. Sitting in your room sipping on wine and talking.
I’m going to miss you so…so..SO fucking much, but I will literally see you so soon and I’m going to bother the shit out of you and sit in your apartment and you will not be able to get rid of me, Eva, I promise it. I love you so much.
Not a goodbye, but see you soon.
I’ve been meaning to write a message like this to you for fucking forever but every time I try to start I kind of tear up and get stressed because I really can’t imagine a world where we don’t go to the same school together.
You were the first person I ever met in person at MIT! I still remember walking with you around Random Hall and then to Flour to get my first meal ever as a real MIT student with another MIT student.
For a good, long portion of my life, I really didn’t believe that people were inherently good. Or that a truly good person existed. I think I was just 13 and really edgy, but, genuinely, knowing you has really showed me that there really are truly, wholeheartedly good people out there.
I always jokingly refer to you as my moral compass whenever I talk about you to other people, but the statement still stands. You’ve been there through every single major moral crisis I’ve had at MIT and I will go to you every single time because I know I can always, always trust your judgment on something 100%. You have such a way with words in a way that I never will and you always manage to express things so succinctly and accurately. I also appreciate how you will always remind me to consider the other person, to not just remind me to be empathetic, but really show me how to put empathy into practice.
I will always love your stupid deez nuts jokes, the way you always manage to bring up Georgia or the South into every conversation we have, the “hey that’s what they used to call me in high school” bit that we play into way too much. Thank you for being my Jeopardy buddy, my fellow Santouka stan, my favorite enabler of “hey….can I take a quick look at that?”
Just know that you can’t get rid of me that easily and that I will be bothering you in Ohio every chance that I get. I love, love, love you to the moon and back. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for teaching me to be a kinder, more considerate person. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on for all these years.
house members of dphie
To my dearest deephers,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love and kindness you’ve shown me throughout these two years. The day I moved into the house I cried because I was afraid I wasn’t going to have any friends or feel like the hussy mansion would ever be my home. But oh how I was so fucking wrong. Some of my favorite nights from these past two years have been our rotting sessions, sitting on that (what I’ve only realized now is) gray couch, talking shit, eating Vivi’s chicken and boba, and procrastinating on work.
I’ve loved being your resident frat brother this semester. Thank you for giving me such joy in one of my hardest semesters. Thank you for listening to my rants and complaints and indulging in my wild, crazy stories about hookups and mistakes and messiness.
To the seniors that already have left us and taught me how to make dphie a home: I love you. I miss you all so much. I will come visit you all.
To the juniors and sophomores I’m leaving: I’m gonna come back and visit. I kinda have to, since all my stuff is in the house, but also I’m coming back because I love and care about you all so deeply. MIT is really fucking hard, and so please remember to care for each other and lean into each other when you need it.
And now some quick notes:
arianna – I love you so much, you don’t even know. You are one of the kindest, most compassionate people I’ve ever met. I’m going to miss your silly screaming, your fidgeting, your obsession with Zelda, and your silly meche activities. The world has thrown so much shit at you that you do not deserve and yet you remain so resilient and kind to everyone you meet. I adore you endlessly, even though you lied to me in poker and made me cry when I was drunk.
siyoung – I am so sad we became friends so late, but also I don’t think we could’ve been friends earlier because we hadn’t yet gone on our ~character development~ growth arcs yet. I think you really strive to understand people and to hear them out and the advice and perspective you give always is so precise and helpful. I admire the way in which you push others to grow and reevaluate themselves. But not only that, I think you’re a kind, caring person as well, in the way that you constantly check in on people and ask how they’re doing and really do take the time to listen. It’s something so rare and hard to come by these days, and you are so special for that.
mulan – You are such a talented, smart, and driven person. I’ve already said all these things in your senior shoutout, but I admire the way in which you hold yourself so, so much. You speak with such poise and grace, and simultaneously know how to stand up for yourself and stand your ground. I love how silly and goofy you are and I love your frat bro accent you develop when hanging out with frat men for too long. I love you to bits and can’t wait to see what you do in the future, mi amor.
sirena – Sirena!!! I don’t even know where to begin. I’m so happy we got closer this semester. I feel like even though we’re not very similar people, we get along very well and mesh together so well. Thank you for watching AOT with me and explaining all the little things that I don’t understand. Thank you for the deep philosophical questions and making me just think more about myself and the world in general. And ultimately thank you for being such a calm presence in the house that offers up so much wisdom and perspective to all of us. I can’t wait to hang out (and live..?) with you in New York. Have the most fantastic time in Japan and I’ll see you in June/July!
jess – I am so happy we got to talk more this semester. Thank you for listening to me rant and vent and giving me so much advice. I’m so happy to have spent so much time with you just shit talking and also talking about our crippling ADHD. I cannot wait to hang out with you in New York <3
this is for you!
I feel kind of silly for writing this one, especially putting you in my last ever blogpost, but also, I think life is too short to not to say what’s on your mind and thank the people in your life. I think you’ve changed the trajectory of this semester so much for me, even in the short period I knew you. And though time wasn’t on our side and I don’t even know the likelihood of us ever interacting ever again, I can say with full confidence that I am very grateful that I decided to go over that night. And all the days and nights after.
Despite being a blogger whose whole job is to write their feelings and thoughts down, I told you I’m not really good at words, and that I struggle to give out compliments and kindness because that’s just not how I was raised. So I figured I owed you this too, since I’ve never really told you all the things I think about you.
I think you’re an incredibly sweet person with a good heart. Thank you for giving me so many fun memories this semester and making me laugh and ultimately just giving me someone to look forward to seeing after class. There’s a lot more I could say, and maybe I’ll just send this to you personally, but just know that
You once called me out, saying that I like to act tough but inside I’m really just a big softie and if this blogpost is anything to go by, you’d be exactly correct. I really loved having you in my life and having our paths cross over, even for just a brief bit of time. I like to think that if we had met earlier, things would’ve ended differently. But that’s just not how things go, and even though it ended somewhat abruptly, I’m really happy with how this semester went and having had the chance of meeting and getting to know you.
Megan, I love you so so much. I love running into you randomly and then just talking for hours about anything and everything. Conversations with you always make me think so fucking hard about life and the world. I am so impressed by how much you do on campus and honestly just by how much you care. You are an absolute superhero. I also want to take this time to remind you to take care of yourself, make sure you don’t burn out, and also say that it’s okay to take breaks once in a while. Come visit me in New York, bae, and I hope you have a fun time in India.
bloggers & aos
I don’t even know where to begin! I feel incredibly emotional to be saying goodbye to the first ever real home I felt at MIT. In my freshman year, I became a blogger. And I got to meet so many people through the blogs and it was the first community I ever interacted with. Even though our beginning meetings were a little stiff and awkward, once the pandemic hit and we did our silly little zoom calls, blogger meetings became such a huge part of my life and my MIT experience. Every week, I would look forward to our calls and stay for hours just shooting the shit and chatting with everyone.
I want to just especially thank the AOs and the blogger community for putting up with my crazy antics, my endless blogs in which I overshare, my horrible ideas, my drama, and everything else. Every time I’ve had a question about MIT or life or needed advice on something, the blogger slack is one of the first places I think of because you all have so much knowledge and wisdom. I feel like I’ve learned so much from all of the admissions officers and bloggers on here but in particular:
alan – I literally just admire you so fucking much. I don’t know how you do all the things that you do, but you do them and you do them well. While simultaneously being a kind and great person to be around. I know this semester has been especially stressful for you, and I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you for all that you’ve done and you have so many people rooting for you!
mel – My blogger child, my MIT pen pal, my crocheting king. I’ve loved all of our conversations and I always love being around you and spending time with you. I literally adore you to bits and I promise to visit you lots and please hang out with me!!!! I am always wishing you well and I hope the world sends you good things.
ella – Ella ella!!! I am so so happy you became a blogger. I literally love sitting next to you in blogger meetings making side comments and talking shit with you. You are endlessly funny and intelligent. Your writing is incredible and constantly inspires me.
kellen – Even though you’re not an admissions officer here anymore, I feel like I’ve just learned so much from you. I am so grateful for all the trust you put in me, especially with the MIT Admissions account and letting me run wild with my stupid ideas. You’re honestly such a positive presence and mentor for so many people and I love and appreciate how you’ll always encourage students in their silly projects and endeavors. Thank you for believing in me and supporting me.
jeremy – Jeremy!!!! I don’t even know where to begin :( Thank you so much for always listening to my drama and my tea and giving me advice and also for always making me laugh in and out of blogger meetings. Thank you for always looking out for me as well and giving me advice whenever I ask for it. You honestly make the admissions and the blogging-sphere feel like such a safe and comfortable environment and have helped mold it so much into the community it is today.
petey – I don’t even know where to start! I will also probably write and email you a longer version of this so take an abridged version: Thank you for being such a supportive and kind mentor to me throughout these four years at MIT. I remember feeling very lost and uncertain during summer 2020 and the weekly MIT coaching whatever support calls we had were something that really grounded me and helped me figure out my place at MIT. I was so stressed about my major and my path and what the world had in store for me, but through these talks I was able to figure it out (ish, or I guess, worry about them a little less). I am so very thankful for everything you’ve given me and taught me over the years, constantly providing me and pointing me towards resources. I especially am grateful for the advice you gave me last summer when I was having difficulty with my workplace — I was very scared and didn’t know how to handle the situation, I felt as though I had really found myself in deep, deep shit and didn’t know how to climb out, but the advice and words you gave me were extremely meaningful. Every single time I faced some major hardship or roadblock at MIT, I could turn to you and the other admissions officers to support me and advise me through it and for that I am so endlessly grateful. Thank you for always looking out for me.
And perhaps on a cliché, thank you to every single one of you who has read my blogs and the blogs in general. I’ve kept every single email that readers have sent me and I’m just so grateful and honored to be able to have a platform and audience in the first place. This job is so fucking cool, like so fucking cool and I’ve gotten so many amazing opportunities through it. I am always so touched whenever someone tells me they’ve read one of my blogs, or sent it to a friend, or even tell me in person that they read them consistently. I always forget that I’m not yelling into a void.
This job has been hard — it’s been weird being perceived by so many people. But I wouldn’t change a thing. I love being a blogger, I love being able to write for the blogs, and I love reading all of your comments and emails. Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me such a cool weird funky little job.
I will also be trying to slowly migrate all my blogposts to Substack in the very rare freak case where everything goes down and gets deleted. And maybe I’ll continue blogging..I’m not really sure.